It happened in Antwerp Central Station... Completely unexpected, and awesome!
Un petit dessert improvisé
16 hours ago
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
Snow!
I am aware that I am about to talk about the weather AGAIN. Quite a favourite topic of mine, I would say; I can perfectly imagine myself at 80, boring children to death by telling them how lovely or not lovely the weather is and how it used to be during my young days.
That being said, it is now snowing in Belgium, which is quite exceptional, given the fact that in Belgium it NEVER snows. Maybe once ever three or four years, just one day, and the snow never lasts. But this year the weather's been exceptionnally cold, and it first snowed in March, then in November, then now again. The temperature is between -3°C and -12°C. Highly, highly unusual.
What once stroke me as a child-like heaven of whiteness and joy has been replaced by more practical matters, namely:
1. How can you survive in a barely heated house with such a weather? Our house's temperature averages 13°C. We are trying to save money on heating gaz. Come on Belgium, cooperate with us, please.
2. Driving in the snow. Oh, this is such a nightmare. Belgium's not equiped for this. The news are spelling endless lists of traffic jams and accidents. My own car is not fitted with winter tires, and is skating its way through black ice in the city. It's a bit scary. Pedestrians are not making it easy for us either, because they are walking on the roads, as their pedestrian pathways are being covered in ice. What they do not realise is that not only they can slip, but that we can slip too; I was so afraid to hit someone with my car. I should have worked from home.
But apart from that, the parcs are nice. All white and calm and frozen, with animal footprints everywhere. My garden is nice, too.
Oh no, did I just forget my gloves home?
That being said, it is now snowing in Belgium, which is quite exceptional, given the fact that in Belgium it NEVER snows. Maybe once ever three or four years, just one day, and the snow never lasts. But this year the weather's been exceptionnally cold, and it first snowed in March, then in November, then now again. The temperature is between -3°C and -12°C. Highly, highly unusual.
What once stroke me as a child-like heaven of whiteness and joy has been replaced by more practical matters, namely:
1. How can you survive in a barely heated house with such a weather? Our house's temperature averages 13°C. We are trying to save money on heating gaz. Come on Belgium, cooperate with us, please.
2. Driving in the snow. Oh, this is such a nightmare. Belgium's not equiped for this. The news are spelling endless lists of traffic jams and accidents. My own car is not fitted with winter tires, and is skating its way through black ice in the city. It's a bit scary. Pedestrians are not making it easy for us either, because they are walking on the roads, as their pedestrian pathways are being covered in ice. What they do not realise is that not only they can slip, but that we can slip too; I was so afraid to hit someone with my car. I should have worked from home.
But apart from that, the parcs are nice. All white and calm and frozen, with animal footprints everywhere. My garden is nice, too.
Oh no, did I just forget my gloves home?
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Christmas feeling
I realise that I only write on this blog when I am staying late in the office. There is something intimate about this place after 7PM. It is dark outside, I can see Brussels from above, it is quiet, and I am the only remaining voice speaking, the last keyboard ticking.
The reason it hasn't happened much lately is that I am always hungry. So hungry, even if I survive on snacks! My stomach claims a full meal before it's even apero time. The ride home distracts me from hunger and brings my diner time closer. It might be a season thing. I am always hungry these days, and I also sleep a lot. Perhaps it is to do with the cold, with the lack of sunlight.
I also go home earlier because I get tired of work pretty quickly. I have been reading, reading and reading for the past months; it is brain consuming. I don't know, maybe I need for more action, or maybe I am not as good at reading as I was before. Or perhaps it is just that I would like to be writing instead. My stories are coming to life but I am killing them by forcing me to work. So at the end of the day, they are taking over, and leave me daydreaming. Eventually, when I go home, I am too hungry, too tired, I always have something else to do, so I end up not writing them.
So anyway, tonight I am the only one who is still there. The place is very silent. There's been some change in the Brussels landscape lately, Christmas decoration recently popped out of nowhere. Christmas is not that spectacular in Belgium, but I went to London and Köln and I got to see amazing things; things which make you dream and fight the winter. There's been some snow, too, which is extremely rare in a temperate weather like ours.
I am quite happy that I will get to celebrate Christmas properly this year. Last year wasn't that great. I was stuck in an NGO whose only obsession was to find money, to make profit, to sell. They were only into the Christmas spirit because during Christmas it is easier to take money from people. In the meantime I was working for free, full-time, doing nothing, being disillusioned. I did my Christmas shopping hastily, did not even visit London, and I had to wake up quite early so I couldn't even enjoy the family gatherings fully.
This year it will be different. I have flexible working hours and I can stay home if I want to. So I decided that I will have a long week-end for my family gatherings. Whatever workload I have. I will allow myself to write, eat, sleep, and not feel guilty about it. It is Christmas, after all.
I will leave now; I am too hungry to write any longer. So hungry in fact that I am even feeling my head turning a little. Is it a survival instinct, or what? Am I usually that hungry in this season? The last time I ate was at 4 PM. I had two full meals before that. I hope that I will not make a habit out of this.
The reason it hasn't happened much lately is that I am always hungry. So hungry, even if I survive on snacks! My stomach claims a full meal before it's even apero time. The ride home distracts me from hunger and brings my diner time closer. It might be a season thing. I am always hungry these days, and I also sleep a lot. Perhaps it is to do with the cold, with the lack of sunlight.
I also go home earlier because I get tired of work pretty quickly. I have been reading, reading and reading for the past months; it is brain consuming. I don't know, maybe I need for more action, or maybe I am not as good at reading as I was before. Or perhaps it is just that I would like to be writing instead. My stories are coming to life but I am killing them by forcing me to work. So at the end of the day, they are taking over, and leave me daydreaming. Eventually, when I go home, I am too hungry, too tired, I always have something else to do, so I end up not writing them.
So anyway, tonight I am the only one who is still there. The place is very silent. There's been some change in the Brussels landscape lately, Christmas decoration recently popped out of nowhere. Christmas is not that spectacular in Belgium, but I went to London and Köln and I got to see amazing things; things which make you dream and fight the winter. There's been some snow, too, which is extremely rare in a temperate weather like ours.
I am quite happy that I will get to celebrate Christmas properly this year. Last year wasn't that great. I was stuck in an NGO whose only obsession was to find money, to make profit, to sell. They were only into the Christmas spirit because during Christmas it is easier to take money from people. In the meantime I was working for free, full-time, doing nothing, being disillusioned. I did my Christmas shopping hastily, did not even visit London, and I had to wake up quite early so I couldn't even enjoy the family gatherings fully.
This year it will be different. I have flexible working hours and I can stay home if I want to. So I decided that I will have a long week-end for my family gatherings. Whatever workload I have. I will allow myself to write, eat, sleep, and not feel guilty about it. It is Christmas, after all.
I will leave now; I am too hungry to write any longer. So hungry in fact that I am even feeling my head turning a little. Is it a survival instinct, or what? Am I usually that hungry in this season? The last time I ate was at 4 PM. I had two full meals before that. I hope that I will not make a habit out of this.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Just a note that goes around facebook
*~ RandomNess ~*~
Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 16 random things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. You have to tag the person who tagged you.
1. I am addicted to sugar. Any kind of sugar will do: chocolate, fruits, croissants, muffins, biscuits... Sometimes I even crave the sugar supplements that come with your coffee.
2. Speaking of which, I stopped coffee this year, it's been about 7 months now.
3. Speaking of which, my favourite place to get coffee is Cafe Nero. I really like the one near the LSE. I used to go there to do some of my readings, because it was quiet but still livelier than the library. At the end of the Summer term, I used to buy a Soya hot chocolate to the Cafe Nero near Kings College and drink it in the Shaw library, where drinks were allowed.
4. My favourite city on Earth is London, and my favourite part of London is the area around Borough Market. If I had to buy a flat there, however, I would chose Marble Arch (well, this is the dream anyway).
5. The happiest day of my life was the day I took this picture. I had no particular reason to feel happy, but it just happened. Every now and then I look at this picture and I remember how happy I was.
6. When I am nervous, I scratch my scalp. I never bit my fingernails, though.
7. I am a compulsive writer. I have several blogs, several diaries, several novel ideas. I would like to publish novels at some point, but I don't know if I would like to do it for a living; I think I would mind the lack of coworkers.
8. My favourite season is autumn. I hate the summer months, rainy or not. I cannot tell why, I just hate it, that's all. Perhaps it's the sun and the heat which I cannot stand. This is really inconvenient when trying to plan a trip, everyone just seems to crave sun.
9. In my family, I am the eldest child, and curiously many of my close friends are too. Sometimes I think that this is why we get along so well. I can immediately tell whether someone is the eldest and whether he/she has a large family.
10. I have done European studies, worked within the European institutions, started a PhD on a European topic, but curiously, I don't know a thing about the European institutions as such, their policy-making or any other related topic. Politics, government studies and political economy bore me to death. I would fail miserably any EU-related test.
11. There are a few things which I regret not having done. The main one is not having been a better granddaughter, but unfortunately it's too late for that now.
12. I am left-handed, but I was right-handed until I was six. At times I was both. I still have problems differentiating my right from my left.
13. I have this weird habit of remembering street numbers in the wrong order. If I have to go to nr 48, you will find me at the 84. It gets more complicated with 3 digit numbers, 148 would either be 184, 418 or 841.
14. The people I miss the most are the ones I met in Westminster University. We all live in different parts of the world now. Sometimes I also do miss people who live in the same city as I do, but whom I never see.
15. I have the habit of matching my socks with my top, even if my favourite pair of shoes is boots, so no one ever sees that I chose my socks carefully.
16. I sometimes have this irrational fear that I will die before I am thirty. I think that I am just afraid never to achieve any of my life objectives.
(I won't tag people here, I've already done so in the original facebook post)
Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 16 random things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. You have to tag the person who tagged you.
1. I am addicted to sugar. Any kind of sugar will do: chocolate, fruits, croissants, muffins, biscuits... Sometimes I even crave the sugar supplements that come with your coffee.
2. Speaking of which, I stopped coffee this year, it's been about 7 months now.
3. Speaking of which, my favourite place to get coffee is Cafe Nero. I really like the one near the LSE. I used to go there to do some of my readings, because it was quiet but still livelier than the library. At the end of the Summer term, I used to buy a Soya hot chocolate to the Cafe Nero near Kings College and drink it in the Shaw library, where drinks were allowed.
4. My favourite city on Earth is London, and my favourite part of London is the area around Borough Market. If I had to buy a flat there, however, I would chose Marble Arch (well, this is the dream anyway).
5. The happiest day of my life was the day I took this picture. I had no particular reason to feel happy, but it just happened. Every now and then I look at this picture and I remember how happy I was.
6. When I am nervous, I scratch my scalp. I never bit my fingernails, though.
7. I am a compulsive writer. I have several blogs, several diaries, several novel ideas. I would like to publish novels at some point, but I don't know if I would like to do it for a living; I think I would mind the lack of coworkers.
8. My favourite season is autumn. I hate the summer months, rainy or not. I cannot tell why, I just hate it, that's all. Perhaps it's the sun and the heat which I cannot stand. This is really inconvenient when trying to plan a trip, everyone just seems to crave sun.
9. In my family, I am the eldest child, and curiously many of my close friends are too. Sometimes I think that this is why we get along so well. I can immediately tell whether someone is the eldest and whether he/she has a large family.
10. I have done European studies, worked within the European institutions, started a PhD on a European topic, but curiously, I don't know a thing about the European institutions as such, their policy-making or any other related topic. Politics, government studies and political economy bore me to death. I would fail miserably any EU-related test.
11. There are a few things which I regret not having done. The main one is not having been a better granddaughter, but unfortunately it's too late for that now.
12. I am left-handed, but I was right-handed until I was six. At times I was both. I still have problems differentiating my right from my left.
13. I have this weird habit of remembering street numbers in the wrong order. If I have to go to nr 48, you will find me at the 84. It gets more complicated with 3 digit numbers, 148 would either be 184, 418 or 841.
14. The people I miss the most are the ones I met in Westminster University. We all live in different parts of the world now. Sometimes I also do miss people who live in the same city as I do, but whom I never see.
15. I have the habit of matching my socks with my top, even if my favourite pair of shoes is boots, so no one ever sees that I chose my socks carefully.
16. I sometimes have this irrational fear that I will die before I am thirty. I think that I am just afraid never to achieve any of my life objectives.
(I won't tag people here, I've already done so in the original facebook post)
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Life isn't that bad
I have been surprised, when reading myself again, to see how gloomy I can sound sometimes. Some days are better than others, but on good days I don't feel the need to write personal things, while on bad days, I am often in front of a computer. So until now, the greatest part of this blog has been a cumulation of bad days. But I am overcomplaining, my life is not as bad as I wrote.
I just have a lot of pressure on my shoulders. My deadline is on 7 January 2009, I will have to hand in my file for the most important scholarship existing in Belgium (almost the only one actually - this is Belgium, it is a small country). What I will be able to deliver on that day will determine my future, the selection is harsh, and I have no plan B.
There is pressure, too, in my daily life. Yesterday, a friend told me that what he didn't like about Belgium is this pressure to succeed. I think he is so right. I realised that most of the darks feelings which I exposed here have come from a general sense of failure. A kind of quarter-of-life crisis, except it's been going on for more than a year now.
It all started correctly, though. I went to the most conservative and catholic upper class schools of Belgium, which pre-selected me on the basis of my family name. After school I went to university. University felt like the normal thing to do, and today it strikes me to find out that only 10% Belgians have a higher education degree, let alone a high school one.
So I studied in 2 Belgian universities, in 2 London ones, then I turned 24 and graduated. I came back home as in the original plan.
Yet when I came back I found my friends married and parents, or else with good careers underway, all of them owning their appartment. I realised I had nothing of that kind. Good diplomas but no job, no relationship, no appartment, no life goals. For the Belgian upperclass standards, I am only worthy on CV.
But this is only on some days. On others I can just sit back and relax, enjoy my life with all its perceived flaws and accept that they are part of who I am. After all, I would not be happy if I was just like everyone else, and I do not regret a single decision until now, except perhaps to have stopped writing for so long. So in general I am happy. I just wish I could move on faster with my life, get this scholarship and for it not to be so difficult sometimes.
I just have a lot of pressure on my shoulders. My deadline is on 7 January 2009, I will have to hand in my file for the most important scholarship existing in Belgium (almost the only one actually - this is Belgium, it is a small country). What I will be able to deliver on that day will determine my future, the selection is harsh, and I have no plan B.
There is pressure, too, in my daily life. Yesterday, a friend told me that what he didn't like about Belgium is this pressure to succeed. I think he is so right. I realised that most of the darks feelings which I exposed here have come from a general sense of failure. A kind of quarter-of-life crisis, except it's been going on for more than a year now.
It all started correctly, though. I went to the most conservative and catholic upper class schools of Belgium, which pre-selected me on the basis of my family name. After school I went to university. University felt like the normal thing to do, and today it strikes me to find out that only 10% Belgians have a higher education degree, let alone a high school one.
So I studied in 2 Belgian universities, in 2 London ones, then I turned 24 and graduated. I came back home as in the original plan.
Yet when I came back I found my friends married and parents, or else with good careers underway, all of them owning their appartment. I realised I had nothing of that kind. Good diplomas but no job, no relationship, no appartment, no life goals. For the Belgian upperclass standards, I am only worthy on CV.
But this is only on some days. On others I can just sit back and relax, enjoy my life with all its perceived flaws and accept that they are part of who I am. After all, I would not be happy if I was just like everyone else, and I do not regret a single decision until now, except perhaps to have stopped writing for so long. So in general I am happy. I just wish I could move on faster with my life, get this scholarship and for it not to be so difficult sometimes.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Homesick in my hometown
It has been an extraordinary few days, during which I laughed and danced and ate and talked. I went to London this week-end and time has passed happily and fast. But as the train drove me closer to my hometown, leaving my good memories behind, I felt heartbreak and I am at loss to explain why.
Perhaps it was that I was allowed, once again, to live my London dream, to fit into the skin of that person I once was, carefree and unjudged. Perhaps it were the friends, the parties, the food, the holiday spirit. Perhaps it was being in that city again, this spinning city I am madly in love with. It was breathing its air, hearing its sounds, beamingly happy while surrounded by its warmth.
The truth is that I missed London. Everytime I go there it reminds me of my life choices, that I chose to leave it. I persuaded myself that I did not have a sustainable future there. At that time, I had no job, was single, was losing contact with my hometown, and thought I needed to go back before there remained no more opportunity for me in Belgium. It pained me to return. So many things had changed, jobs, marriages, children - even my family had moved on, moved houses. I couldn't help but feeling vaguely unfamiliar with my new reality. I worked hard to create myself a new life. A new house, new friends, new activities, new work. I felt the pressure again, this pressure to behave the way I should, to do the things I ought to do, to care about the people I ought to care, to not let anything weird about me leak, otherwise I would be judged.
Yet I went back to London and I felt it, this distinctive atmosphere which I craved so much, and realised my love for that city had not been forgotten. I love London. Yet I am still persuaded that I have no future there.
I guess I am feeling sad today because I realised I could never be happy here, in my hometown, and that I do not especially believe that Brussels holds a future for me, too.
Perhaps it was that I was allowed, once again, to live my London dream, to fit into the skin of that person I once was, carefree and unjudged. Perhaps it were the friends, the parties, the food, the holiday spirit. Perhaps it was being in that city again, this spinning city I am madly in love with. It was breathing its air, hearing its sounds, beamingly happy while surrounded by its warmth.
The truth is that I missed London. Everytime I go there it reminds me of my life choices, that I chose to leave it. I persuaded myself that I did not have a sustainable future there. At that time, I had no job, was single, was losing contact with my hometown, and thought I needed to go back before there remained no more opportunity for me in Belgium. It pained me to return. So many things had changed, jobs, marriages, children - even my family had moved on, moved houses. I couldn't help but feeling vaguely unfamiliar with my new reality. I worked hard to create myself a new life. A new house, new friends, new activities, new work. I felt the pressure again, this pressure to behave the way I should, to do the things I ought to do, to care about the people I ought to care, to not let anything weird about me leak, otherwise I would be judged.
Yet I went back to London and I felt it, this distinctive atmosphere which I craved so much, and realised my love for that city had not been forgotten. I love London. Yet I am still persuaded that I have no future there.
I guess I am feeling sad today because I realised I could never be happy here, in my hometown, and that I do not especially believe that Brussels holds a future for me, too.
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